Bite This

That’s it, that is the new title for this weekly segment. It has a bit more punch than Tasty Tuesday don’t you think? Big thanks to reader Rhaea for the title. Rhaea can be counted as an in real life friend, even though I haven’t seen her since the 6th grade. She was in my older sisters class in the little Catholic school I attended. It’s true, we were Catholic school girls. We even wore little plaid uniforms like Brittany Spears only more scrawny, small town Ohio girl than slutty, pop star. You get the idea.

Also new this week, I am preparing a recipe suggested by a reader! Heather sent me a few recipes to try. She also included a challenge (and recipe) to make rice pilaf from scratch. Thanks hussy, you’re awesome. (Relax, she’s a real life friend too so I can call her that. You should hear what she calls me!)

Rosemary Chicken & Rice Pilaf

Ingredients

Rosemary Chicken

Adapted from the Deen Brothers Braised Chicken with Rosemary & Potatos

4 Large Chicken Breasts, cut in quarters

1 Tsp. Salt

1 Tsp. Black Pepper

3 Tbs. Olive Oil

2 Cloves Garlic, minced

1 1/2 Tbs. Lemon Juice

1 Tsp. Rosemary

4 Tbs. Unsalted Butter, cut into pieces

Rice Pilaf

This recipe is from AllRecipes.com

2 Tbs. Butter

1/2 Cup Orzo, uncooked

1/2 Cup Onion, diced

2 Cloves Garlic, minced

1/2 Cup Rice, uncooked

2 Cups Chicken Broth

The original recipe calls for chicken legs and thighs. We do not eat chicken on the bone in this house. I also do not enjoy dark meat. Gross. Heather informed me that you need the skin on the chicken to get crispy or some other BS. I just added half a stick of butter. It worked, and I didn’t have to deal with nasty bird skin and bones in my kitchen.

Anyway.

Whisk together the olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, lemon juice, and rosemary. Place chicken in a dish that is safe for both the oven and the broiler. Pour on olive oil mixture and toss to coat. Sprinkle butter tabs on top. Let it sit for 10 minutes on the counter. Heat the oven to 400 degrees.

In my family my Uncle Ralph is famous for saying, “MORE BUTTER” I tend to agree. There’s nothing that wouldn’t be better by adding more butter.

Put the chicken in the oven for about 30 minutes, or until it is cooked through. The time will vary depending on the thickness of your chicken hooters. To check the doneness of the chicken press on it, without puncturing it. If it bounces back it’s done,  if not it needs more time. When it is close, turn on the broiler and leave it in for another 10 minutes.

The rice pilaf is very easy. I even screwed it up a little and it was still delicious. Let me say right now, I will not ever make Rice-A-Roni rice pilaf again. I will, as the twinkies say, “make it out of scratch.”

It’s easy. Melt the butter in a pan. Add the orzo and cook until brown. Add the onions and garlic and cook it for one minute. Add rice and chicken broth. Heat to boiling. Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes or until all the water is absorbed.

I browned the rice with the orzo (that’s how the box crap works). To make up for the starches that were released I added about a half a cup of water. No problem.

Sorry, I didn’t take pictures of the rice while I was making it.

I also made lima beans. I love them, so do Reese and Taryn. Buy the frozen ones, baby lima beans if you can find them. Cook them according to the package, but for crying out loud add some salt and pepper to the water while they are cooking!

Season everything, everything. Always. I put salt and pepper on turkey sandwiches. I’m not kidding.

Once they are cooked toss them with a few tablespoons of butter.

This was really good, like really, really good. I highly recommend you try it.

Who has a recipe for me to make next week?

Tasty Tuesday

Tonight’s recipe came from my mother-in-law. I have no idea where she got it. It reminds me of one of those Pampered Chef recipes only you don’t need a $65 baking stone to make it. I bought one of those once and it cracked in half in the oven. (Yes, I know it has a warranty. I’m way too lazy for that.) Stupid, overpriced cookware. This recipe (and almost any other one) is made on any cheap-o cookie sheet you have lying around.

Ham & Swiss Cheese Ring

Ingredients

1 Tbs. Butter, softened

2 Tbs. Dried Parsley

2 Tbs. Mustard

1 Tsp. Lemon Juice

6 Oz. Swiss Cheese, shredded

1 Cup Broccoli, chopped and cooked

1 Cup Ham, diced

1 8 Oz. Can Crescent Rolls

Mix together the butter, parsley, onion, mustard, and lemon juice. As you can see I didn’t have any lemon juice so I used lime. It didn’t make any difference in the taste. Make sure the butter is soft or you will wind up with big clumps of it in the mixture.

This might be the least appetizing picture in Tasty Tuesday history.

Next, add the cheese, broccoli, and ham. I steamed the broccoli until it was just tender. The original recipe said that you could use frozen, but that’s gross. Don’t do it.

Now comes the fun part. Arrange the crescent rolls (on your crappy baking sheet) in a star shape. It should look like this:

Once that is done spoon the mixture onto the large end of each triangle.

Pull the tips over so that it forms a ring. It’s easy.

Bake in a 350 degree oven for about 25 minutes or until the crescent is golden brown.

Tasty looking isn’t it? It tastes a bit like a hot ham and cheese sandwich. When the entire herd is around I make two. I’ve tried making it in a 9×13 pan with a tube of crescents on the bottom, the filling in the middle, and another tube of crescents on top. Don’t do that, its gross.

Before you serve it you’ll want to cut off the crusty brunt cheese from the edges and the pan. And eat them.

Tonight I served it with salad. If you make it for lunch, fruit would be great too.

Enjoy!

 

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day?

If you are expecting a sappy post about my mother, you’ve come to the wrong place. My mom is awesome. That’s all you need to know.

This year Mother’s Day was a series of fails.

Fail #1

It started on Wednesday, when I got around to buying cards. I purchased several for all the moms in our lives. Taryn and John  signed them. Since we were so behind, I was just going to sign for Dal and the twinkies, . I carried them around for days, figuring I would stop and get stamps, sign them, and mail them out. By Saturday I decided it was pointless. I tossed them in a drawer for next year.

Fail #2

Last night, Dallas and I arranged a double date  with some friends. We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I drank some wine. By some I mean four glasses. I was a little tipsy. Then we decided to go to the local VFW. There were shots involved. I don’t remember the ride home. I like to keep it classy by getting falling down drunk

Dallas took a photo of me laying on our bed with a trash can next to my head. The picture makes my arse look HUGE. He posted it on Facebook.

Fail #3

I woke up to a lovely present from Dallas and one from Taryn. John did not even say Happy Mother’s Day. He is grounded for not being where he was supposed to be on Friday afternoon, and for the subsequent lie he told to cover it. It’s 6 PM and he still has not acknowledged Mother’s Day.

Fail #4

We went to church. I wore a dress because it felt like summer even though it was only 47 degrees. It was a lovely service. They had cake and punch in the social hall after. Jackson got cake all over his face and hands. I weaved through the crowd to the bathroom to clean him up. Everyone was looking at me and smiling. I figured they got a kick out of seeing my cake-faced child.

When we finally got to the potty I realized I had frosting….on my knees.

Fail #5

I went grocery shopping. Mostly, I just wanted an hour without 4-year-olds shooting me in the face with lego guns and getting the stink eye from the teenage boy. I made the weekly menu and the shopping list and headed out. It was pleasant. I even got to chat with a mom friend who was also grocery shopping to escape her family.

It made me feel better about myself.

When I came home I unloaded the groceries and put them away. That’s when I realized I had forgotten to get meat. Any meat, for the entire week. I didn’t even put a meat column on my list. (Yes, I make columns on my grocery list.) We were having burgers tonight. I had to go back to the store to get burgers. I left the store again, got in my car, and drove about half mile before realizing I had also forgotten the fries. I hadn’t made a frozen food column either. U-turn.

I would like a Mother’s Day do-over please.

Death By Cupcake

Feeding a family this size is a big undertaking. We spend a small fortune on food. In this household we go through about 7 gallons a milk a week. We also power through an average of four loaves of bread, two dozen eggs, three boxes of cereal, and one jar of peanut butter. That’s just the basics.

Food is important. When we travel I have to carefully plan out meals and snacks so that no one is hungry. I don’t care so much if my family is a little hungry. I care that when they are hungry they are grumpy. All of them, including Dallas.

He’s probably the worst one. If he is hungry, watch out. He’s a monster. I don’t know how he made it through Ranger school. If I was in the class with him I probably would have tripped him on a march so that he broke a bone. That way I would not have had to deal with his hungry, grumpy self.

His sister Autumn gets grumpy-hungry too. She’s female though, so she’s smart enough to understand her faults and deal with them like a grown-up. She packs her own snacks.

I pack snacks for Dallas.

And my other kids.

I cook a lot. It’s fine, I like cooking. Cooking is one of the things that I can always do to help out friends. Have a baby? I’ll make you a meal. Surgery? Here comes a baked ziti. Potluck? I’ll make an entrée and a dessert. I can cook in my own house, no extra childcare needed. Done.

I have to do nice things, otherwise no one would put up with me.

Yesterday I made cupcakes for a meeting. I put them in the freezer overnight.

The YOU in this note refers to Dallas.

The kids know to ask, “Are these cupcakes for us?”

The answer would have been, “No, but I’ll bring you leftovers.”

Seriously, he would have eaten six. At least. They were really good cupcakes. And of course, he would have been STARVING. Kind of like how when he is sick he is DYING. He’s never just hungry, he’s on the verge of third world starvation.

If he had eaten them I would have jammed one all the way down his esophagus while he slept.

Death by cupcake. I can’t think of a better way for him to go.

Tasty Tuesday

Yes. Yes, I washed my hands before I cooked dinner. There should be no residual poo anywhere on my person or in my house. The whole place smells like lysol and bleach.

Tonight I made another recipe from a friend. Her name is Jackie, so of course I’m calling it Jackie Chicken. This one is really tasty and simple. All four of the kids love it.

That’s a big deal, folks.

Jackie Chicken

Ingredients

1 8 Oz. Package Cream Cheese, softened

1 Can Cream of Chicken Soup

4 Chicken Breasts, cooked and cut into cubes

1 Sleeve Ritz Crackers, crushed

4 Tbs. Butter, melted

Pepper

Combine the cream cheese and soup until mostly smooth. In Jackie’s original recipe she suggested 6 chicken breasts. I only used 4. I guess my chickens have big hooters.

Add in the cubed bird hooters.

Combine the first 3 ingredients. Place them in a lightly greased baking dish.

Grind black pepper over the top. I have salt in the picture, that was a mistake. Don’t use it, you don’t need it.

Combine the melted butter and crushed crackers in a bowl.

That, is buttery and salty deliciousness.

That’s it. Just throw it in a 350 degree oven for about a half hour and you’re done!

It tastes like creamy fried chicken. There is nothing not great about fried chicken. It is a little on the heavy side so I usually just serve it with peas or salad. Tonight it was peas.

In other news, John is learning about reproduction in health class. He told me that sometimes the babies head gets shaped weird when they go through the root canal.

Yes, he said root canal.

I think his head got messed up when he went through the root canal.

Saturday Photos

It was 40 degrees and overcast today. Obviously the perfect day for our Squadron Egg Hunt.

Hey Elmer, nice hat.

Almost family picture. Dal looks even better as Elmer Fudd.

Reese, scoping out the competition.

Jackson. That look says he is not interested in sharing the loot.

This isn’t from today. But I miss my big kids. So there.

Also, Reese is licking the ice sculpture. Lovely.

What I Want

I was planning to title this post “What Women Want” but it seemed presumptuous. I can’t honestly speak for half the population, only myself. Also, it reminds me of that movie, which reminds me of Mel Gibson, who is the worst person on the planet.

I’ve thought a lot about a comment that was made on my A Better Day post from a week ago. In that post I vented about my household, my husband, my responsibilities and some general frustrations that probably all women can relate to.

My friend and fellow blogger (he really is a friend we’ve known each other since high school) responded with this comment:

“Y’all do make life more difficult on yourselves. I mean the whole cookie thing….are you looking for immediate Beatification? Just sayin.”

I know. It made me want to punch him in the face too. I quickly replied that he (actually I think I said “you guys” referring to every male on the planet) just didn’t get it and never would.

I stand by that statement.

However, I should at least attempt to explain what I want. It is not Beatification. It is not recognition in the traditional sense. What I want is for my spouse to LISTEN  to me.

I spend entire days where, seriously, no one listens to me.

The twins wake up for school and I try to make conversation with them. They ignore me. I tell them to shut off all the lights before they leave. They ignore me. Usually when I say good-bye, I tell them “I love you.” Most often the response is silence, a door slamming shut, or some grumbled…”yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Once the twinkies wake up I ask them to get dressed, usually 13 or 14 times before getting any sort of response. Most mornings I have to resort to idle threats to get them to put on their stupid pants. Then I tell them that it does not matter who sits where in the van, knowing that they are not listening and we will have this same argument tomorrow.

I do a bit of volunteer work. Not a big deal, but time-consuming. Much of that time is spent answering questions about information that I have already sent out or have said 10 thousand times. Grrr…

It makes me want to scream. I usually do scream. And curse. And slam my fist on the table. It’s all very mature and ladylike.

We had a speaker at our church, Libby Roderick, who talked about listening. She did exercises with us where we had to speak to someone we did not know for a few minutes. The other person was not allowed to speak. Not allowed to say one word until our time was up. Then we switched and we had to be the listeners. It takes a minute, but once you realize someone is just listening. Not thinking about what they will say next, not focusing on anything else. Just listening, you feel good.

And when no one listens to you, you feel like crap.

The very least I can expect is for my husband to listen to me.

When he asked how I felt that day and I said, “not great” he obviously did not listen. If he had he would not have asked me to bring him dinner.

Which wouldn’t have used up the last of the stupid cookies.

Which would not have made me angry and led to dragging out the flour and the sugar and the stupid chocolate chips in the middle of the night.

Because, if he ever listened to me he would know that I felt obligated to make more, instead of skimping on them for him or buying crap for Taryn to take in her lunch.

Now do you understand? LISTEN. It’s that easy.

On a side note, the next day he brought home the cooler I had packed the food in. HE DID NOT EVEN EAT THE STUPID COOKIES!!!!!!!! Do us a favor, throw them out before you get home. It guarantees that the next batch of cookies will not have arsenic in them.

Weirdos At The Park

The twins are away this week for the rural part of the rural exchange program. I heard from Taryn, she is doing fine. She ate some kind of fish egg salad. She was not impressed, but I give her points for trying. John has not made contact. This is no surprise.

Anyway, we took the twinkies on a walk around the university here in Anchorage. We saw that there was a lake that had a few geo caches around it, so it was a perfect adventure. The boys love going out “treasure hunting.” It also gets all of us out of the house which greatly reduces the risk of homicides.

We set off with our GPS and our boots, it is still pretty muddy here. Shortly after we began walking we realized that the place was teeming with unleashed dogs. We did not bring our stupid dog. I’m not a fan of people who let their dogs run off leash. I find it annoying when they run up to me or my children and scare or otherwise annoy us. There is also the risk that an off-leash dog will spook a moose, causing big problems. (I’m not crazy, one did this a couple of weeks ago and the moose kicked a little kid getting off of the school bus!) The dogs all seemed friendly though, so today was not so bad.

Pretty soon Dallas noticed a sign which said that this path was actually a designated “off-leash” area. Like I said, we did not bring the stupid dog. Not having a dog made us look kind of weird. It’s like when you see the random creep at the playground and you ask where his kid is and he says, “I don’t have one.”

We’re d0gaphiles.

The dogs kept running up to Reese & Jackson both; scaring and delighting them. Apparently there is a rule that I was not aware of prior to this walk. The smaller and more harmless looking the dog, the more one should scream and cry. Good times.

I tried to keep the troops moving by handing out a little treat. Before we left I grabbed two fun size snickers and put them in my pocket. When the twinkies started to run out of gas I said, “do you want a treat?” I unwrapped and handed them the little candy bars, fully expecting a big hug and a #1 Mom pin.

Instead, Reese ran to the edge of the lake and threw his candy. It landed a few feet in on top of the ice. I asked him why he did that and he said, “it’s for the dogs.”

There were a few dogs playing on the ice ON THE OTHER SIDE of the lake. They did not notice his chocolate. He was crestfallen. I told him the candy wasn’t for the dogs, it was for him. To this he asked, “well can I have it?”

“No, it’s in the lake.”

Tears.

Pouting.

Stomping.

So much for #1 Mom. As it turns out, in his little brain the word ‘treat’ is meant only for dogs. I was instructed to use the word ‘snack’ in the future. Thanks for the grammar lesson kiddo.

Over It

Yeah, I’m kind of over this mom thing. Do you ever have those days?

I’m over it.

I am over arguing with 4-year-olds about getting dressed in the morning.

I am over listening to fighting and crying about clothes, seat positions, and games.

I am over being told by 4-year-olds that their toy “sucks.”

I am over telling teenagers not to use the word “sucks” in front of their little brothers.

I am over cleaning up spilled milk every damn day.

I am over the dirt that gets tracked into my house.

I am over being the only one to clean up that dirt.

I am over telling the teenage boy to clean up his room.

I am over dropping off.

I am over picking up.

I am over recipes that have no chance of working.

I am over not being able to enjoy a meal, even if it’s yucky.

I am over buying shoes every three weeks because they are lost, destroyed, no longer cool, or suddenly too small.

I am over rearranging the dishes because they were put away wrong.

I am over looking for all the lost/misplaced serving utensils.

I am over the never-ending pile of laundry.

I am over dog hair.

I am over baking cookies in the middle of the night.

I am over baking.

I am over the computer, the Wii, and the iPod Touch.

I am over having to tell children to go to bed.

I am over my husband working stupid hours.

Over it.

The only thing I am not over at this moment,  is my box of wine.

 

Tasty Tuesday

Tasty Tuesday? Is that lame? I’m trying to post one recipe a week, but I need a tag so tell me if that one is lame-o. (Also, thinking of a better one for me would be swell.) I was inspired to do this by my friend Leslie who does “Make My Meal Monday” on her blog. I thought of just stealing that name, but it seemed a little rude.

Tonight I made “Carrie Chicken” I chose the name because my friend, Carrie, gave me the recipe. Also because it comes out blood red. It reminded me of the movie Carrie.

That might not be the best plug for a recipe, but you guys have faith in me right? Ahem … right?

Anywho, Carrie Chicken is super-easy. It has a sweet/savory flavor that makes it appealing to kids. Also, as Carrie said it, “looks really pretty on the plate.” It really does.

Here are the ingredients.

It looks crazy, but trust me it is delicious.

Just pour the whole bottle of Catalina into a pan. Empty in the can of cranberry sauce. Add one packet of the onion soup mix. Stir. Bring to a boil.

Okay, that looks like vomit. Go with it.

Once it has come to a boil put about half of it in a 9 x 13 pan. Add some boneless, skinless chicken. I used breasts, but I assume you could use thighs too.  Pour the rest of the sauce mixture on top.

Cook in a 350 degree oven for about 35 minutes.

I did not take a picture of this step because it is not that appealing to look at. Also, I forgot.

I served it with white rice and roasted brussel sprouts.

See, it does look pretty on the plate! I probably should have used a plate without a chip in it, but I have 4 kids so I doubt there is one.

The kids really liked this. Taryn, who is a persnickety teenager even had seconds. SECONDS! Anyone who has a teenage girl knows that is a very big deal. The twinkies even ate it.

Sort of.

They ate the rice and the sauce and peeled apart the brussel sprouts. Then they started running in circles playing a shooting game with guns they fashioned out of tinker toys.

But in my house, that is a win.