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Death By Cupcake

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Feeding a family this size is a big undertaking. We spend a small fortune on food. In this household we go through about 7 gallons a milk a week. We also power through an average of four loaves of bread, two dozen eggs, three boxes of cereal, and one jar of peanut butter. That’s just the basics.

Food is important. When we travel I have to carefully plan out meals and snacks so that no one is hungry. I don’t care so much if my family is a little hungry. I care that when they are hungry they are grumpy. All of them, including Dallas.

He’s probably the worst one. If he is hungry, watch out. He’s a monster. I don’t know how he made it through Ranger school. If I was in the class with him I probably would have tripped him on a march so that he broke a bone. That way I would not have had to deal with his hungry, grumpy self.

His sister Autumn gets grumpy-hungry too. She’s female though, so she’s smart enough to understand her faults and deal with them like a grown-up. She packs her own snacks.

I pack snacks for Dallas.

And my other kids.

I cook a lot. It’s fine, I like cooking. Cooking is one of the things that I can always do to help out friends. Have a baby? I’ll make you a meal. Surgery? Here comes a baked ziti. Potluck? I’ll make an entrée and a dessert. I can cook in my own house, no extra childcare needed. Done.

I have to do nice things, otherwise no one would put up with me.

Yesterday I made cupcakes for a meeting. I put them in the freezer overnight.

The YOU in this note refers to Dallas.

The kids know to ask, “Are these cupcakes for us?”

The answer would have been, “No, but I’ll bring you leftovers.”

Seriously, he would have eaten six. At least. They were really good cupcakes. And of course, he would have been STARVING. Kind of like how when he is sick he is DYING. He’s never just hungry, he’s on the verge of third world starvation.

If he had eaten them I would have jammed one all the way down his esophagus while he slept.

Death by cupcake. I can’t think of a better way for him to go.


About Twinisms

I am the mother of two sets of twins that are ten years apart. Each of them has moments where they say and do hilarious, frustrating, and crazy things.I counter that by also doing borderline crazy things. It's a good time.

5 responses »

  1. Sometime when I am reading your blog I think “wait is she talking about her family or mine?” Seriously, the names are different, but the behaviors are exactly the same (especially the husbands). Well with one exception…None of my children have pooped on top of a dresser. However, I still have time to accomplish this goal b/c I still have one to potty train and if any of my children will climb on a dresser and defecate, it will definitely be Christian.

  2. That’s a lot of food! Yikes, and I thought we buy a lot of groceries. You must go to the store every day. 😉

  3. You should frame that note.

    I can’t believe how much food you guys go through! Oh good lord…how often are you at the commissary and how are you NOT in a mental ward? You my dear, are a superhero.

  4. As I was reading this I thought now here’s a family that should invest in some hens… and a cow… seriously!

  5. Great title – hiarious post!


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