If you are expecting a sappy post about my mother, you’ve come to the wrong place. My mom is awesome. That’s all you need to know.
This year Mother’s Day was a series of fails.
Fail #1
It started on Wednesday, when I got around to buying cards. I purchased several for all the moms in our lives. Taryn and John signed them. Since we were so behind, I was just going to sign for Dal and the twinkies, . I carried them around for days, figuring I would stop and get stamps, sign them, and mail them out. By Saturday I decided it was pointless. I tossed them in a drawer for next year.
Fail #2
Last night, Dallas and I arranged a double date with some friends. We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I drank some wine. By some I mean four glasses. I was a little tipsy. Then we decided to go to the local VFW. There were shots involved. I don’t remember the ride home. I like to keep it classy by getting falling down drunk
Dallas took a photo of me laying on our bed with a trash can next to my head. The picture makes my arse look HUGE. He posted it on Facebook.
Fail #3
I woke up to a lovely present from Dallas and one from Taryn. John did not even say Happy Mother’s Day. He is grounded for not being where he was supposed to be on Friday afternoon, and for the subsequent lie he told to cover it. It’s 6 PM and he still has not acknowledged Mother’s Day.
Fail #4
We went to church. I wore a dress because it felt like summer even though it was only 47 degrees. It was a lovely service. They had cake and punch in the social hall after. Jackson got cake all over his face and hands. I weaved through the crowd to the bathroom to clean him up. Everyone was looking at me and smiling. I figured they got a kick out of seeing my cake-faced child.
When we finally got to the potty I realized I had frosting….on my knees.
Fail #5
I went grocery shopping. Mostly, I just wanted an hour without 4-year-olds shooting me in the face with lego guns and getting the stink eye from the teenage boy. I made the weekly menu and the shopping list and headed out. It was pleasant. I even got to chat with a mom friend who was also grocery shopping to escape her family.
It made me feel better about myself.
When I came home I unloaded the groceries and put them away. That’s when I realized I had forgotten to get meat. Any meat, for the entire week. I didn’t even put a meat column on my list. (Yes, I make columns on my grocery list.) We were having burgers tonight. I had to go back to the store to get burgers. I left the store again, got in my car, and drove about half mile before realizing I had also forgotten the fries. I hadn’t made a frozen food column either. U-turn.
I would like a Mother’s Day do-over please.
Twinisms 
For once in my life – I’m without words! Your Mother’s Day sucked MORE than mine & that’s a horrible thought! Hang in there Chick !!
The way I see it… Mother’s Day Next year is covered.
You partied like a Rockstar with your hubby! wootwoot!
One less kid to talk too… one more kid to guilt trip later this week. And you had a vacation to the grocery store. Dude! I am totally jealous. 🙂
Someone funnier than me tweeted earlier:
“Mothers Day is like Jenga, one wrong move and it all falls to pieces.”
I see this is not just a funny phrase, but the summary of your day. Seriously though: HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON’T EAT YOUR MEAT?!
My mother’s day started with my 2 year old emptying her bladder while standing on the step stool waiting to have her teeth brushed. When I looked at her and asked her what she was doing, all she did was grin at me!
Little Fart!
I with you, I want a do over. One that involves me alone in a hotel with ice cream and a remote. Mine had a meltdown at lunch FAIL!
There’s nothing wrong with failing, just keep trying!