WTF Wednesday

On Wednesday mornings I usually run with my friend around a 4 mile loop on post. She cancelled last night, something about not feeling well. She’s also 178 weeks pregnant so I’m ok with her wussing out. Later, my friend Kay invited me on a bike ride. I planned to go, but then got the wild idea to take John and the twinkies (on their bikes) for a run around the loop.

The twinkies ask to ride their bikes every 30 seconds.

He looks pretty happy doesn’t he? The answer is no, not at all. This kid refused to take part. He pedaled so slow that I had to walk, and still keep stopping for him to catch up.

There was an old man with a brace on his leg and a crutch that lapped us. Seriously.

I was so angry that I gave up and turned around 1.5 miles in. It took Jackson and John another half mile to realize they had lost us. I tried yelling for them, but I think John had headphones on. (He denies this charge)

On the way back Reese started pedaling faster so I started to run. No joke, as soon as I started to run he slowed back down. Jerk.

WTF?

Also, the stupid dog peed blood again.

Bonus WTF moment.

This is not staged.

I have not words for this one. He really loves soccer.

Saturday Photos

Today was all about me. Me, me, me. It might have been the best day ever. The day started early with my first race. First race ever. I did a 5 mile race for the Alaska Run For Women to support breast cancer research. I’ve never run 5 miles. If you had told me 3 months ago that I could take part in a 5 mile race and actually finish, much less run the entire thing (with one short potty break) I would have laughed in your face. But thanks to some excellent friends and some hardcore self talk (Like: Keep running you idiot! You can’t run 5 miles? What a sissy!) I made it.

You’ve met Christin before. I know I said she was mean, I stand by that statement. She’s also awesome, thanks for everything. (She is 37 week along and ran 5 miles in 41 minutes! HOOAH!)

Also, thanks to the nice folks at the downtown Anchorage Church of the Nazarene for letting the lady in the pink boa who smelled like urine use the facilities.

Later, after rehydrating and showering I met some of my girls for lunch. There is really nothing like the friendship of women to top off an excellent morning.

The girl in the bottom right does not want to kill you. I promise.

After that we went shopping. I bought these…

I earned them.

Then that we had some more drinks. Also, well deserved.

I think I’ll have a cookie now….

Running Sucks

No joke. Running sucks. I hate it. I hate how I look doing it. I hate doing it. I hate everything about it. I hate the cute jogger moms and dads with their little strollers and skinny thighs. I hate the bulky guys who run with no shirts on in the summer. I hate the bulky guys who run with only a sweatshirt on in the dead of winter. I hate the people who are in training for some big stupid race. I hate the people who run just for fun, as if anything about running is fun. I hate it.

Obviously, I should take up running.

I started running, indoors-on-a-treadmill-at-the-gym a few years ago. After I had the twinkies I was fat. FAT. A big fat, fatty. For real. I have photographic evidence, but I’m not sharing it with you. I went on Weight Watchers and bought a membership to the Y. It worked. I lost 30 lbs and was back to well beyond my pre-babies weight. I was thinner than I had been since high school. It made me very happy.

Then we moved to this God-forsaken place and I gained 5 pounds almost immediately. Stupid Alaska.

A month or so ago I ordered some lotion from another mom, Kay, at the twins school. Kay is a runner. I told her that I wanted to start running more. Running outside. Maybe even do a race.

I was just making polite conversation.

I fantasize about running like a fantasize about writing a book. Good thoughts, zero action.

Would you believe that broad took me up on it? Last week she MADE me run 3 miles with her. She only let me walk about half a block too. Geez…

Ironically, it felt good. And I felt good. I think I even lost a few ounces. (I know this because I weigh in every 30 seconds.)

Last week I was chatting with another runner “friend” and we talked about getting together on her day off. I must have been drunk or something because the next thing I knew I was sending an email suggesting we go running Wednesday morning around a 4 mile path on post. I’ve walked it. I’ve run 3 miles. I figured I could hack it.

When I saw my “friend” again on Saturday she informed me that there would be no walking. She also informed me that she runs slow because she is pregnant. (sidebar-I would never have asked to go running with her if she were not pregnant. I would not be able to keep up.) I told her my average pace is a 10 minute mile. Apparently, that is her slow.

I hardly slept last night worried that my pregnant “friend” was going to have to drag me home from the trail.

This is Christin, she took 3rd place at our Just Dance competition last week. She looks really nice in this photo, but don’t let it fool you. She’s mean. Pregnant and mean. And 25 years old. Well, she might be older than that but it makes me feel better to think she’s 11 years younger than me, so I’m going with it.

She actually showed up this morning all ready to run. She did let me walk a few times, when I stopped breathing. (In my defense it was cold, I’m sure it was the cold that did it to me) Until the end, then she made me keep running when I wanted to stop. Jerk. Way to wait until I was worn out. She’s mean like that.

When we were done she said, “thanks for the walk.” Walk? Screw you meanie!

In truth, I appreciate it. I need the motivation. Left to my own devices I would sit on the couch all day watching Bravo, eating Reese’s peanut butter cups, and drinking wine. I would also have an arse the size or Rhode Island. So thanks to Kay and Christin. But, I still think you’re mean.

I’m walking tomorrow with the ladies from my Arse Reduction Club. Walking I don’t mind, running sucks.

But, I’m doing it. I’m running. I’m registering for a race that I have no chance of placing in. I just want to do it. I also want to be skinny. So I’m eating stupid oranges and running. Life sucks.

Also, not to make a big deal of it or anything. But I totally stomped Christin at the Just Dance competition. So there.