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Running Sucks

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No joke. Running sucks. I hate it. I hate how I look doing it. I hate doing it. I hate everything about it. I hate the cute jogger moms and dads with their little strollers and skinny thighs. I hate the bulky guys who run with no shirts on in the summer. I hate the bulky guys who run with only a sweatshirt on in the dead of winter. I hate the people who are in training for some big stupid race. I hate the people who run just for fun, as if anything about running is fun. I hate it.

Obviously, I should take up running.

I started running, indoors-on-a-treadmill-at-the-gym a few years ago. After I had the twinkies I was fat. FAT. A big fat, fatty. For real. I have photographic evidence, but I’m not sharing it with you. I went on Weight Watchers and bought a membership to the Y. It worked. I lost 30 lbs and was back to well beyond my pre-babies weight. I was thinner than I had been since high school. It made me very happy.

Then we moved to this God-forsaken place and I gained 5 pounds almost immediately. Stupid Alaska.

A month or so ago I ordered some lotion from another mom, Kay, at the twins school. Kay is a runner. I told her that I wanted to start running more. Running outside. Maybe even do a race.

I was just making polite conversation.

I fantasize about running like a fantasize about writing a book. Good thoughts, zero action.

Would you believe that broad took me up on it? Last week she MADE me run 3 miles with her. She only let me walk about half a block too. Geez…

Ironically, it felt good. And I felt good. I think I even lost a few ounces. (I know this because I weigh in every 30 seconds.)

Last week I was chatting with another runner “friend” and we talked about getting together on her day off. I must have been drunk or something because the next thing I knew I was sending an email suggesting we go running Wednesday morning around a 4 mile path on post. I’ve walked it. I’ve run 3 miles. I figured I could hack it.

When I saw my “friend” again on Saturday she informed me that there would be no walking. She also informed me that she runs slow because she is pregnant. (sidebar-I would never have asked to go running with her if she were not pregnant. I would not be able to keep up.) I told her my average pace is a 10 minute mile. Apparently, that is her slow.

I hardly slept last night worried that my pregnant “friend” was going to have to drag me home from the trail.

This is Christin, she took 3rd place at our Just Dance competition last week. She looks really nice in this photo, but don’t let it fool you. She’s mean. Pregnant and mean. And 25 years old. Well, she might be older than that but it makes me feel better to think she’s 11 years younger than me, so I’m going with it.

She actually showed up this morning all ready to run. She did let me walk a few times, when I stopped breathing. (In my defense it was cold, I’m sure it was the cold that did it to me) Until the end, then she made me keep running when I wanted to stop. Jerk. Way to wait until I was worn out. She’s mean like that.

When we were done she said, “thanks for the walk.” Walk? Screw you meanie!

In truth, I appreciate it. I need the motivation. Left to my own devices I would sit on the couch all day watching Bravo, eating Reese’s peanut butter cups, and drinking wine. I would also have an arse the size or Rhode Island. So thanks to Kay and Christin. But, I still think you’re mean.

I’m walking tomorrow with the ladies from my Arse Reduction Club. Walking I don’t mind, running sucks.

But, I’m doing it. I’m running. I’m registering for a race that I have no chance of placing in. I just want to do it. I also want to be skinny. So I’m eating stupid oranges and running. Life sucks.

Also, not to make a big deal of it or anything. But I totally stomped Christin at the Just Dance competition. So there.

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About Twinisms

I am the mother of two sets of twins that are ten years apart. Each of them has moments where they say and do hilarious, frustrating, and crazy things.I counter that by also doing borderline crazy things. It's a good time.

5 responses »

  1. Ok, I had to laugh. I’ve been telling myself all week I gotta start running. Now. Except… I hate running, I couldn’t run anywhere to save my life. But alas, I too have gained more weight than is acceptable (two kids, 20 months apart, practically twins, right?) also am going through a bit of a crap period so figured I’d give the running endorphins a chance before moving on to the good stuff (by which I mean pills). I guess I’ll just use you as motivation, ok? no pressure!

    Reply
  2. onthespotphotography

    I notice the wall in the back.. the tree. Is that a painting? It’s funny because I know someone who painting a friend’s wall with a tree that looks similar… (Yeah… I’m the kind of person who notices all but what the photo actually focused on)..lol

    Reply
    • No, the tree is actually painted right on the wall. I think the leaves are fabric & there are pictures of the family on it too. That was taken at my friend’s house. She is super-crafty and talented!

      Reply
  3. onthespotphotography

    I just realized that I had a response to this.. I’m new, bare with me.. still trying to arrange my blog… 😦 lol.. but I also realize I meant to say that .. it was a painted on .. not a painting.. yeah it’s pretty nice!

    Reply

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