Four-year-olds live in another dimension. Most of the time I wish I lived in their world instead of the real one. This is Jackson’s take on life.
On Waking Up
According to Jackson the appropriate way to wake your mother is to enter her room as quietly as possible. It is imperative that you not make enough noise to startle her awake until you are next to the bed. Then, stand with your face 6 inches from hers and say, as loud as humanly possible, “IT’S GOOD MORNING!!!”
On Going To The Bathroom
Stand near the toilet. Not close enough for all of your pee to go in the bowl, that would be crazy. Pee for a few seconds on the shower curtain, the bathroom rug, and the toilet paper. Continue peeing into the bowl while moving around enough that it splatters everywhere. Let the stream fizzle out on your pants and the floor. Do not flush. Do not wash your hands. Change into an outfit that makes you look homeless.
On Playing With The Stupid Dog
Ride her like a horse. Examine her teeth by putting your hands all the way into her mouth while she is sleeping. Feed her treats by pegging them directly at her eyeballs. Pull her tail repeatedly. If she so much as wimpers in pain scream, “SHUT UP SADIE!”
On Playing Video Games
Never share with your brother. Ever. If he tries to play a game, turn off the TV. Restart the game whenever you are losing. If you still lose after restarting the game ten times throw the controller down the stairs. It’s all the controllers fault anyway.
On Eating
Beg for snacks constantly. Get into the refrigerator when no one is looking and take bites out of apples, cheese, butter, and strawberries. Eat yogurt with only your fingers. At meal time, eat nothing. NOT. ONE. BITE. Tell everyone who will listen that your food is “dEsgusting.” Ask for dessert. Ask again. Ask at least 37 times every meal.
On Showering
Showering is a time for screaming and making noise. It is also a great time to pee. On your brother. Move around constantly so that it is nearly impossible to wash your hair or your body. If even one drop of water gets in your eyes scream as if acid has been poured on your face. After the shower refuse to wear anything but the Buzz Lightyear or Spiderman pajamas.
On Going To Sleep
Screw you mom.
Twinisms 
I have an almost 4-year old daughter, who always insist on wearing the same “pink” leggings and the same barbie t-shirt! Oh well, I just bargain for a change in underwear, sometimes she agrees, sometimes she doesn’t. Life of a 4 year old indeed.
Exactly! We have to pick our battles don’t we?
Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard at the “Change into an outfit that makes you look homeless.” part. This is Wesley to a T. I have been embarrassed on more than one occasion by Wesley’s fashion sense (lime green shorts and a a forest green shirt? “But Mom, Yoda is green so it matches!” Too small brown sweatpants and a black Darth Vader shirt? “But Mom they are comfy pants and Darth Vader is cool” (insert humming of the Imperial March). I just find it is less time consuming not to argue.). Then my mom pulls out pictures of me at that age and well, he gets it honest. At least they are wearing clothes, right?
Haha! Better mismatched then naked!!
My oldest daughter at the age of 5 would only wear these black leggings with the stirrups on the feet everyday, she wore them so much that by the time I could throw them out, they were shorts, (with the stirrups cut off). Along with the hot pink shirt that went with the leggings.
I think that is where we are headed with the spiderman pajamas.
I’m sorry that I’m laughing at this but…”screw you mom” had me in tears.
It’s ok. I laughed when I read it again this morning;)
I could SO relate to the ‘waking up’. My 4yo wakes me up every morning by coming into my bedroom and announcing loudly, “But, Mummy, it’s morning!”
(Yes, he starts the sentence with ‘But’ in anticipation of me telling him it’s too early.)
The addition of ‘but’ is awesome. Kids are smart aren’t they?
Little boys and peeing is something I know NOTHING about though have heard many a story of how pee ends up EVERYWHERE!
It does. It’s disgusting. Be glad you have girls!
I think that’s a great way to wake up, in fact, I suggest you do it to him when he’s a teenager, he’ll LOVE IT!
(p.s. I’m so not looking forward to 4!!)
I do that to my older twins. Yeah, they do love it. They just hide their feelings by scowling at me…
Dammit. I’m speechless. ME. Have you MET me? I always have witty come-backs and comments containing entire blogs.
You rule.
I don’t know how I feel about you being speechless…it makes me speechless…
Jackson has always been my favourite.
Haha, he’s the most entertaining for sure!
Hahaha! It’s so true. I have 5 and 3 year old daughters, so I’m right there with you. Except for the peeing all over the ground. 3 yr old tried it once, she got wet and learned her lesson.