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The World According To Jackson

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Four-year-olds live in another dimension. Most of the time I wish I lived in their world instead of the real one. This is Jackson’s take on life.

On Waking Up

According to Jackson the appropriate way to wake your mother is to enter her room as quietly as possible. It is imperative that you not make enough noise to startle her awake until you are next to the bed. Then, stand with your face 6 inches from hers and say, as loud as humanly possible, “IT’S GOOD MORNING!!!”

On Going To The Bathroom

Stand near the toilet. Not close enough for all of your pee to go in the bowl, that would be crazy. Pee for a few seconds on the shower curtain, the bathroom rug, and the toilet paper. Continue peeing into the bowl while moving around enough that it splatters everywhere. Let the stream fizzle out on your pants and the floor. Do not flush. Do not wash your hands. Change into an outfit that makes you look homeless.

On Playing With The Stupid Dog

Ride her like a horse. Examine her teeth by putting your hands all the way into her mouth while she is sleeping. Feed her treats by pegging them directly at her eyeballs. Pull her tail repeatedly. If she so much as wimpers in pain scream, “SHUT UP SADIE!”

On Playing Video Games

Never share with your brother. Ever. If he tries to play a game, turn off the TV. Restart the game whenever you are losing. If you still lose after restarting the game ten times throw the controller down the stairs. It’s all the controllers fault anyway.

On Eating

Beg for snacks constantly. Get into the refrigerator when no one is looking and take bites out of apples, cheese, butter, and strawberries. Eat yogurt with only your fingers. At meal time, eat nothing. NOT. ONE. BITE. Tell everyone who will listen that your food is “dEsgusting.” Ask for dessert. Ask again. Ask at least 37 times every meal.

On Showering

Showering is a time for screaming and making noise. It is also a great time to pee. On your brother. Move around constantly so that it is nearly impossible to wash your hair or your body. If even one drop of water gets in your eyes scream as if acid has been poured on your face. After the shower refuse to wear anything but the Buzz Lightyear or Spiderman pajamas.

On Going To Sleep

Screw you mom.

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About Twinisms

I am the mother of two sets of twins that are ten years apart. Each of them has moments where they say and do hilarious, frustrating, and crazy things.I counter that by also doing borderline crazy things. It's a good time.

19 responses »

  1. I have an almost 4-year old daughter, who always insist on wearing the same “pink” leggings and the same barbie t-shirt! Oh well, I just bargain for a change in underwear, sometimes she agrees, sometimes she doesn’t. Life of a 4 year old indeed.

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  2. Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard at the “Change into an outfit that makes you look homeless.” part. This is Wesley to a T. I have been embarrassed on more than one occasion by Wesley’s fashion sense (lime green shorts and a a forest green shirt? “But Mom, Yoda is green so it matches!” Too small brown sweatpants and a black Darth Vader shirt? “But Mom they are comfy pants and Darth Vader is cool” (insert humming of the Imperial March). I just find it is less time consuming not to argue.). Then my mom pulls out pictures of me at that age and well, he gets it honest. At least they are wearing clothes, right?

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  3. My oldest daughter at the age of 5 would only wear these black leggings with the stirrups on the feet everyday, she wore them so much that by the time I could throw them out, they were shorts, (with the stirrups cut off). Along with the hot pink shirt that went with the leggings.

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  4. I’m sorry that I’m laughing at this but…”screw you mom” had me in tears.

    Reply
  5. I could SO relate to the ‘waking up’. My 4yo wakes me up every morning by coming into my bedroom and announcing loudly, “But, Mummy, it’s morning!”

    (Yes, he starts the sentence with ‘But’ in anticipation of me telling him it’s too early.)

    Reply
  6. Little boys and peeing is something I know NOTHING about though have heard many a story of how pee ends up EVERYWHERE!

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  7. I think that’s a great way to wake up, in fact, I suggest you do it to him when he’s a teenager, he’ll LOVE IT!
    (p.s. I’m so not looking forward to 4!!)

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  8. Dammit. I’m speechless. ME. Have you MET me? I always have witty come-backs and comments containing entire blogs.

    You rule.

    Reply
  9. Jackson has always been my favourite.

    Reply
  10. jessicaanne12

    Hahaha! It’s so true. I have 5 and 3 year old daughters, so I’m right there with you. Except for the peeing all over the ground. 3 yr old tried it once, she got wet and learned her lesson.

    Reply

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