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Hygiene Issues

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I have a teenage boy. He’s gross. I think all teenage boys are gross. His bedroom smells like something died in it. Until tonight I associated the rancid odor with his pet, Gary the Gecko. Over dinner this evening he took his grossness to a new level.

Because our family meals are very formal and mature Taryn, John, and I were discussing sneeze/farting at the table. Taryn thought that this was just a baby activity, I informed her that everyone does it. She was appalled in the typical teenage-girl fashion. To this I said, “really, you’ve never sneezed and farted at the same time?”

John: “I kind of did it once, only I puked and crapped at the same time.”

Taryn: “Gross!”

“Well, I didn’t know I was going to do it, it just happened.”

“Were you on the toilet at least?”

“No, I was puking in it.”

“Ewww, gross.”

“Well, I had my pants on.”

I know, that’s disgusting. It gets worse.

Me: “John, what did you do with your pants?”

“I put them in the laundry basket.”

“Ummm, really? Did you rinse them out?”

“No, Mom that’s gross. I just wrapped them up in a towel and put them in the hamper.”

“John, you have to rinse them out first!”

“Mom, whatever the washer does, it does.”

His room smells like s#*%.

Literally.

Also, this morning Reese ate a bite of a Pop Tart he found in the Target parking lot.

I can’t believe this is my life.

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About Twinisms

I am the mother of two sets of twins that are ten years apart. Each of them has moments where they say and do hilarious, frustrating, and crazy things.I counter that by also doing borderline crazy things. It's a good time.

23 responses »

  1. LOL ! I just had the biggest belly laugh !
    Hilarious !
    But makes me very, very frightened of what I’ll be facing in the coming years…

    Reply
  2. I dont even know how you can bare it! You are truly brave. I woulda just died ages ago. haha!

    Reply
  3. This makes me laugh out loud. Once in New York City, Avery came out of a public restroom and said “Hey mom, that toilet water tastes just like real water!” I think I have told this story here before, but it is just one that begs to be revisited frequently.

    Reply
  4. (sigh) I thought 11-1/2 was bad. When I pick him up and my 10-year-old nephew from school I pray for good weather so I can keep the windows open and don’t have to experience the overpowering scent of wet dog carrying raw onions.

    Reply
  5. I really, really needed that laugh on a Monday morning. Hahahahaaaaaaa! I don’t know what universal law dictates that preteen/teen boys smell like a barnyard, and I hope someone can repeal that law before my 5 year old reaches that stage. UGH.

    Reply
  6. I totally remember what I meant to tell you. The other night Noah told me he knows another phrase for when someone ‘sharts’ (Sh*tting and farting), and I asked, “Hershey squirt?” He was stunned and laughed hysterically for like 10 minutes, repeating “Hershey squirt!!” over and over.

    I’m such a cool mom.

    Reply
    • You are the coolest! I said hershey squirt to my teenage girl a while back and she was disgusted for days:)

      Reply
      • That’s where boys rule. Noah still keeps randomly giggling, shaking his head and whispering, “Hershey squirt.” That being said, when he discovered a lizardless squirming tail in the living room a few weeks back he screamed like a girl. Poop is okay. Dismembered lizards? Not so much.

  7. Hilarious! So what you’re telling me is that the smell isn’t going to get any better for years?! I always get a little freaked out when I pull out the hamper from my boys’ room. Ewww.

    Reply
    • It’s not going to get better. I get freaked out too, but I always think it smells more like sweat and b.o. then poop. If I had known I might have puked too!

      Reply
  8. fourplusanangel

    Oh so gross but not remotely surprising.

    Reply
  9. Ok first, somehow the award link posted as a reply. This is in fact for you Twinisms. 🙂
    Second, that is nasty!!! LOL boys are born nasty, and stay that way forever. I wish someone had told me that washing boys/men’s undies would be an experience I would never forget…haha.

    Reply
  10. I literally laughed out loud at this. Ask the dog, she looked at me funny. 🙂 You know, this reminds me of a few conversations I had with my cousins around the kitchen table growing up…glad to know we weren’t alone!

    Reply
  11. This is so disgusting! My husband’s office smells like dying frogs and man feet, and I thought THAt was bad…
    Came from TRDC linkup.

    Reply
    • Yeah his room smells really bad. We got him a gecko Christmas of 09. He told me yesterday that other than picking out the poop he had not cleaned it’s aquarium. That’s a year and a half of gecko urine. Yum.

      Reply

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