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They’re Out To Get Us

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Toy makers. Seriously, they are out to get us. I think that most of the people in the business of making toys must hate parents. I have decided that they are all probably smug single people. They must enjoy watching us get in fights with our spouse, cry, scream at our children, or pull are hair out trying to deal with their little inventions.

Their day will come. I hope.

Our most hated toy right now are the Lego’s. I know they are educational and improve dexterity and hand-eye coordination. I also know that the current lot my children are playing with are way above the “suggested age.” But they like them and it gives me a few minutes of quiet.

It also means that my living room winds up looking like this.

It takes two 4-year-olds and average of 68.3 minutes and 749 instructions to clean up that mess.

They hate parents.

Here in no particular order are some other toys made by people who hate parents.

1. Play-Doh – This is one of the worst offenders because not only does it make a big mess, but kids eat it. How many parents have had panic attacks over purple or red poop, only to realize their dumb child ate Play-Doh?

2. Moon Sand – Like the previous item this stuff makes a huge mess. We tried it once for Christmas, not one we intended to spend at the beach. It does not stick together. Not even a little. Instead it slowly degrades and winds up in every inch of your house.

3. Crayons – I know crayons themselves aren’t bad, as long as kids don’t use them to write on walls or furniture or dogs. (Not that mine would EVER do that.) I just don’t understand why there is paper around every single crayon. We can see what color the crayon is, we don’t need a wrapper around it to tell us. The wrapper is just one more thing children will peel off (starting with their teeth) and throw on the floor.

4. Lincoln Logs – Lincoln Logs suck. I thought it would be cool to buy them for the twinkies this year. Bad idea. Yes, you can build a log cabin – which most children only recognize from the syrup bottle – but if you tap it, just tap it a teeny tiney bit, it falls over. Then the kids start crying and you have to build the stupid thing all over again.

5. Bouncy Balls – “Don’t bounce that ball in the house!” Those were my last words right before Reese bounced one on the floor. It popped up, bounced off the table and knocked over a glass of water. The water went directly into the back of my MacBook Pro. That was a $1,500 hit.

6. Zhu Zhu Pets – Anything that doesn’t turn off on its own is evil. Evil.

7. Tinker Toys – The tinker toys are actually pretty great for the boys. They can build something and it actually stays together. That’s awesome, until they hit each other, the dog, or my favorite lamp with it and it breaks the object instead of giving way to it.

8. Transformers – You need a PhD in engineering to change these into the transformer and back to the other thing again. They literally make me want to cry.

9. Laser Guns – Noise, noise, noise, noise, noise.

10. Inflatable Ball Pits – One of Dallas’ single friends got this for the boys when they turned one. I told him, “Thanks. I can’t wait until you have kids so I can get them a toy with 50 balls in it.” Jerk.

Which toy do you think is made by people who hate parents?

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About Twinisms

I am the mother of two sets of twins that are ten years apart. Each of them has moments where they say and do hilarious, frustrating, and crazy things.I counter that by also doing borderline crazy things. It's a good time.

169 responses »

  1. Tickle me Elmo makes me homicidal (though I think he killed Grover, so it’s kind of personal for me…). That laugh is just creepy.

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    • Toys that are motion sensitive! My Mother got our son one of those fuzzy dogs that would laugh when you shook it. Then it became demon spawn of the devil and we’d hear it laughing in the middle of the night in Alex’s room! AGG! Every time I tried to get rid of it my son would drag it back out. My husband and I still have laughing fits when we think about how one of us would have to crawl into his room at night and search for it in the dark on our hands and knees! Ahh… good times.

      Reply
    • We had a sleep and snore Earnie that used to go off in the middle of the night and scare the bejeezus out of me.

      Reply
  2. A dirt devil vacuum that makes all the vacuum noise, but doesn’t actually sweep (thanks mom…that was a gift to Dinah right around the time that Max was born). A string of pull along quacking ducks that made me want to scratch out my eardrums. I second you on the Lincoln Logs– they’re good for my kids now, but when they were the twinkies age, ugh. Max liked to throw them. And the zhu zhu pets– they don’t turn off and then at 2am the cats start playing with them and bring them onto the bed like they’ve caught an intruder and the zhu zhu’s start whirring and chirping at you…those guys get hidden from kids and cats.

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  3. Too funny! I personally don’t like Legos b/c it kills when you step on them!!

    Great post!! 🙂

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  4. I don’t have kids, so I’m sure the toys don’t bother me as much as they would some moms. However, I do have a nephew who LOVES toys that have loud sirens (i.e. police cars, ambulances, etc.)…and he pushes the buttons on them over and over and over again.

    That’s when I tell him it’s time to go home… 😉

    Congrats on being FP!

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  5. LOL. Fun article you have here, thanks for sharing.

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  6. Silly Putty was the Devil’s work, or so according to my Mom. There were 5 of us girls all playing with Silly Putty and we all got it stuck in hair, on clothes, furniture and left in dirty clothes.

    Great post!

    Blessings,

    Ava
    xox

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  7. Furby. EZ bake oven mixes and/or any toy in which the child can make “real” food that can actually be ingested. And those shoes with the wheels in them.

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  8. great post. love it. you have nit the nail on the head. congrats on FP, too. i think “baby alive” is the devil. she is scary, acts WAY too much like a live, human child, and actually might encourage young girls to love ugly babies. ;o)

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  9. This is hilarious! As a single person, though, it just makes me want to buy those toys for my bachelorette pad, and play with them correctly. Not to rub it in your face or anything. 🙂

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  10. #6, any toy that won’t turn off on its own is possessed! Our youngest had a police car with a siren that still screamed after the batteries were removed. We had a “Chucky” moment and it went out with the trash – freaky!!

    Great post .. although I still love legos, they hurt like a bugger if you step on them barefoot. 🙂 Cheers, MJ

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  11. As a kid growing up colour blind, I cannot tell you home much I hated when the crayons didn’t have the wrapper …

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  12. I recently did a similar post but I don’t mind repeating myself. Which is good, because I have kids. Anyway…I hate ANY toy that makes a noise but does NOT have volume control. I hate them. And I actively resent anyone who brings them into my home.

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  13. My son has a ball pit too, and it was all fine and dandy until he decided the plastic balls were good for playing “real life angry birds!!!11!1” and started launching them all over the house trying to kill green pigs. (That would be me and my husband.)

    Also … congrats on getting on FP! Love your blog!

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  14. This smug married, oh no did I just quote a chick flick, albeit childless man agrees. Having played with Legos as a child, I definitely inflicted my share of grief. Great post and congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

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  15. Marthe Honts

    Any art or craft project that comes with supplies that come out unevenly. I have 3 left-over “paint it yourself” Princess window hangings and my daughter used all the paint on the first 3. Now what!

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  16. Anything that requires batteries… I should have bought stock in Duracell or Eveready. The worst is when you’re brand new at the Christmas eve get-all- the-toys-ready mania and you discover at 3am that you don’t have the right batteries for any of the toys.

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  17. Play-doh is from the devil. Am I a bad mom that I don’t let my children play with it? It’s a texture/smell thing for me. And the clean up is just awful.

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  18. Haha! I love this post. I have 3 boys and there are several toys I hate for the 10 and up range.

    1. Airsoft/bb guns — the little pellets are ALLLL over the house and yard. Also, they are only supposed to use them outside, away from the house, yet I have little holes all over my siding… hmmmmm.

    2. Any video game system — don’t get me wrong… they are fun and give me time to clean up THEIR messes, but why are they all on disc? Those discs get scratched like its nobody’s business. I don’t remember having this problem with my Nintendo cartridges… you just blew on those and they worked again. Now I have to buy a new stupid game cuz gamemakers expect kids to put the fragile disc back in the case… yeah right.

    Congrats on FP!!

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  19. I don’t know if anybody have mentioned the ‘Slinky’ (I’m too lazy to read every comment!). The ‘Slinky’ if anyone doesn’t know, are those huge spiral springs made out of metal or sometimes plastic. It’s suppose to walk on its own, but really does it do this! The spirals get all tangled up if you don’t fold it back right. They also make that irritating sound when a kid stretches it and contract it back like an accordion. Sure to bother any sane parent!

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    • I ALLLLLMOST said Slinky!!! They are even more fun when part (or all) of it gets stretched out straight.

      Slinky: Poking eyes out since 1945.

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  20. idreamofeden

    thank you for the laugh this morning. I am mom of three boys- I feel your pain with the crayon wrappers and play dough, it is just a game to see how much can end up on the floor. my in laws decided it would be a fantastic idea to send the boys fart machines…. They magically disappeared the day later.

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  21. My oldest nephew had two toys that drove me nuts. A thing called the Bumbleball (green ball with knobs)this thing would just start going, especially when it was in the toy bag in the back seat and you were doing 65 on the freeway – nightmare & torture! The other toy was this car and it played La Cuckarah (spelling – sorry) – noise, noise, noise. Some crazy toys out there – I hear you with the Legos and they hurt to step on too!

    Thanks for the post!

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  22. very communicate post, great share. Freshly Pressed 🙂

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  23. Wow- seems like most major toy manufacturers then…lol!

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  24. Play-Mobile. They all come with ridiculously small pieces that get lost within 5 minutes of opening the box, and you spend at least an hour trying to locate missing piece, only to find that it is stuck to the bottom of your foot. (true story) Great blog! Looking forward to reading more.

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  25. “Lincoln Logs suck!” I love it! Hilarious post. I have two little ones, a girl who just turned 2 and a boy who is 9 months. My mother bought my girl a dress up kit for her birthday. Seemed like a perfectly good toy for her. Keeps her busy, comes in it’s own container so it’s easy to store it. Then I saw the pom poms for the cheerleader costume. The little celephane-type strings that make up the pom pom fall out all over the house and my 9 month old likes to follow her around and try putting the little strings in his mouth. Magical!

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  26. Haha! This blogged really helped my lighten my day! Thanks for a great post and congratulations on getting Freshly Pressed!

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  27. I personally think toys are boring and cost way too much money! Kids don’t need toys instead they need to use their imaginations. Such as playing with the can goods, pots and pans, making forts etc. There is nothing wrong with crayons and a good coloring book once in a while.

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  28. Well, I’m a father of twins, but they’re still newborns yet, so other than wanting to eat at the same time, they’re not too bad.

    However, Lego blocks are an old friend of mine and while I agree that they make a mess, my soon to be 5 year old loves them. I graduated him from Duplos to Lego when he was 3 – I couldn’t wait.

    As for Moon Sand, I heartily agree. What a mess. Not worth the effort or money. We do like playdough though… we deal with the little mess it makes. We’ve even made our own before, but it just doesn’t seem that cost effective.

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  29. HA! I totally agree with the Play Dough comment. My daughter likes to break it up into teeny, tiny, miniscule pieces that get smooshed everywhere. I’ve decided that if I bring it out again, I’m waiting for a nice day when it has to be taken *outside*.

    We got this hand-me-down Sesame Street pinball machine (it’s small – it just sits on your lap) that makes a loud, obnoxious BOING! sound when you hit the ball. However, it makes the same loud, obnoxious sound for no reason at all, just sitting on the shelf. And there’s no off switch.

    We’ve since gotten rid of many of our toys.

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  30. great blog – and very interesting post ! i can relate to it – and would like add wooden blocks to the list…for very obvious reasons. ;-))

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  31. I definitely agree. I think that ALL toys are made by parent haters. Especially those who make Play-Doh. I HATE that stuff! My little boy is only 3, so he wants me to sit there and make him a dog, a cat, a person, etc. since he can’t do it himself. I want to throw it all in the trash!

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  32. I was constantly vacuuming up tiny Polly Pocket shoes and accessories. Ugh! Legos have been a favorite and enduring toy in our home…but for my sanity we’ve had a required “Lego blanket” on which to play. When Lego time is over, bundle up the Legos and funnel into the “Lego box.” Voila!

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  33. HA! I loved this post! I worked at an ELC for a while.. talk about toys to make you go mad! Try finger paint, GACK, those film binoculars (that only the children’s eyes are small enough to see into the slits), stickers (GULP), and beads.. oh man. Love your Blog!

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  34. I have to agree with the airsoft guns. They are great fun IF left outside. I’m not sure how my kids end up with them inside. The BB’s multipy like rabbits!

    I have two boys, so I’ve not had to deal with Polly Pockets. ick!

    Kinex are another one. For my youngest son’s birthday (8th maybe) I got him this fancy-smancy kinex contraption. Vertical Vengeance. I would have needed an engineering degree from Georgia Tech to put the stupid thing together. I finally ended up tearing (yes, tearing, not gently taking) it apart and it’s been in the box for 4 years. I think we will just use the pieces how we want, not to build it.

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  35. Definitely agree with the Transformers – my 4 year old was given one for his birthday, and there are 27 steps to transform it. Seriously. 27 steps. You need the instructions and an engineering degree. So you go through the necessary pain, he plays with it for 5 minutes, and then wants it back into the robot now, please. Aaaaargh!

    Also, I hate hate hate hate hate those self-propelled cars with tyres that can be removed. What’s the first thing a boy does? Pull all the tyres off the car. Then it doesn’t work properly. Then he cries. Then you spend hours hunting all over the house for tiny rings of black rubber less than 1/2 inch in diameter. And, inevitably, can only find 3. It’s enough to make a mother turn to drink.

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  36. Love your post! So true! We have those singing weird looking things and they go off in the middle of the night sometimes! Can we saw creepy! Bugaboo’s Tickle Me Elmo used to do the same thing and would freak me out! My once neat and tidy living room is now being taken over by toys… anyway, great post, you had me laughing the whole time! Have a great day!

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  37. anything with noise, lights, more than two pieces, or can be used as a weapon (which for Scott Jr. is everything).

    What you didn’t touch on is the packaging that these toys come in. The sadistic mothers that package this crap need to be tortured with the sharp wire twisty things they use to secure their toys

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    • Yes, yes, yes! Didn’t see your response before I posted mine. No coincidence that we both mentioned sadism. 😉

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  38. There’s a new, more sinister form of bouncy balls. My sister gifted my son a “Ball Popper” for his 1st birthday. The kids don’t even have to TRY to fling objects around the house, the air-pressured toy does destruction for them 😦

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  39. My sister bought 3 camels that played music from egypt. One for each child. Not only were they suprisingly loud but the batteries lasted almost 2 years. The kids loved them so much that when i hid them they noticed… she is getting married this summer so revenge is soon mine!

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  40. When I started reading this, I thought, “God, I hope she mentions Moon Sand.” That stuff was developed by Satan himself. Great post!

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  41. Play-Doh is horrid. But what I despise more are toys and clothing with glitter on them. Glitter sheds ALL over your house and even the Dyson won’t pick it all up. Someone said glitter is the herpes of the craft world (and the little girls’ fashion world). So true!

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  42. I have twin boys (who turn 10 on Saturday!) Here is a relatively recent post on my LEGO Battles!!http://anitajd.wordpress.com/2010/12/18/lego-battles/
    Loved your hilarious post! I probably have a few more I can add, like the freekin microscopic tech-deck wheels that are underfoot as much as the LEGOs.

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  43. I agree with all those toys…
    I also hate that color wonder stuff, you know the art supplies that are only supposed to write on the “special” paper made for them?

    The problem is, that when you find your kids old enough to use real crayons/markers/paint that writes on everything… they’ve already gotten used to being allowed to be sloppy! I just tell people that the art-deco on my chairs is an “original” and it’s “unique”.

    I bought my boys some transformers… and then cursed myself… I wish they made the models I had as a kid… and not the gazillion step ones… and all the little legs and pieces that snap off… get them back on incorrectly, you can’t put it back together and it takes you ages to realize that it’s because something was put back on it wrong to begin with. Grr.

    And? When someone buys your kid that annoying toy? Put them on a list. Someday they’ll have kids, make sure you get the most annoying thing out there… the loudest messiest thing you can find. 😡 See how they like it.

    Great post!

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  44. A woman after my heart! Great post:)

    I thought the Lite Brite (beloved childhood toy) was a great idea until I ended up with billions of poky little light sticks all over my house. And George Lucas should be locked in a room with 75 toddlers and a bunch of “toy” lightsabers. Toy packaging alone is proof that they hate us–all of those wires and tabs and layers of plastic that no scissors or pliers or blowtorches can penetrate–designed by freaking sadists.

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  45. My children are called “Irish twins”. They are both healthy boys and they were born on July 2, 2004 and 2005. They look very much a like.

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  46. I’m a mother or 2 kids (2 and 6) and I feel your pain..I HATE play dough and I got a ball pit from a single friend too…uhhhh

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  47. Furbies are evil. You think you have them turned off, you go to sleep. Then at two in the morning, you hear “Furbiiiieeeeeeee” Scares you.
    Along with paint, those dolls that come with the hair crimper and sparkles,and small, losable parts. Those are evil. And the toys that cost an arm and a leg, they may not be horrible, but you have to hate it because you tell your kids “It costs a lot of money”, they throw a fit, and you end up buying them the “Barbie Deluxe dream castle”.

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  48. notsowickedstepmom

    I thought Moon Sand was bad until my dear brother-in-law bought my 3 year old Moon Dough. Ugh.

    And yes, Zhu Zhu pets are evil. Every time my daughter bumps it on, she comes running with it- “turn it off Mama! Turn it off!”

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  49. Fantastic observations! I can certainly see why you’ve been Freshly Pressed! Congrats.

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  50. Rocket Dog (Ergo Proxy)

    The Xbox 360, Nintendo DS and Television is made by people who hates parents, and I’m not a parent, but a cousin to a 6 year-old. Play with me! Waaaahhh!!

    I can’t even write my book in peace! Commercials are worst, cause the 6 year-old bothers the mess out of me in that 3 minute time break. Buy me this! Buy me that please! I swear, when I get kids I’ll train them to read BOOKS and DRAW, like I used to.

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  51. Furbies – we loved one of the original ones that my grandparents bought for us to keep us quiet. Except when they brought out the newer versions, they got more and more annoying. When I was looking after my god children I kept hearing sounds from the other room where they were sleeping and it turns out my god son couldn’t get the thing to shut up, so locked it in his toy chest where it kept giggling manically. I was worried I was being a) crazy and b) a terrible god mother.

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  52. I hate Polly Pockets. Those teeny tiny microscopic rubber dresses and shoes are not good for a mom with arthritic fingers and bad vision. And of course my daughter wants me to change their clothes about 252 times an hour.

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  53. I do not think that I could ever hate a toy, but I do feel sad when I suck up marbles and leggos in the vaccum.

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  54. Hahaha. I love this! Great way to share a laugh, and it’s great to have something to keep in mind for the future. =P

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  55. Hello Mother Twinisms –

    Love it Love it!! Excellent post. I have a kid’s toy for you that maybe you’ve had head aches over. Marbles! Or anything that resembles hard, tiny, circular objects. When a bare foot adult steps upon one of these lost pieces of toys, and the losses begin 5 minutes after a kid plays with it for the first time, the pain and frustration is ummmm…HURTFUL! LOL,,,experienced dad of 17 & 16 year old boys here. Rocks and other out door objects included. Pull out a couch and there’s Christmas all over again, in numerous assorted pieces. Love you post. 🙂

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  56. HA HA HA I have all those in my house and yes…I have wondered who created or had the idea for these toys. You really made me laugh…thanks, now I don’t feel alone in my thinking! lol

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  57. Barbara @ Just Another Manic Mommy

    I have twins, plus another, and my basement looks like your photo, peppered with My Little Ponies, pieces from 5,000 DIFFERENT puzzles and some Transformers.
    Love your post!

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  58. Totally agree about the Transformers and polly pockets. I always make my own playdough and that’s not as bad.

    Moon Sand was banned from my house.

    Lego is scattered from here to next year!

    The most horrible toy my children got given were these battery operated bongo drums. Noisy, horrible things!!

    Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

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  59. I would have to say the worst thing I can think of would be anything from Nerf. I may not have kids but whenever you walk into a room that has a Nerf gun, sword or anything else you are bound to get hit in the face with it. Not to mention, it’s just like a ball always knocking everything over.

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  60. I thought it was my IN LAWS that had all that malice towards us! It was the toy makers! Thank you for clearing that up 😀 Brings back lots of memories tho – stepping on legos – ow, melted crayons in the hot car, playdoh also sticks to everything, and stinks, any weapon with the WEEEEWEEEEEWEEEEE laser noise – God help us with that one..Having 2 boys meant we had bouncy balls EVERYWHERE.. Ball pits, more like germ hovels. Thanks for reminding me grown kids rock.

    http://emptycoop.wordpress.com/

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  61. This is great! No kids of my own yet, but my little bro is 5 (17 year age difference=very young future uncle) and two Christmases ago my aunt gave him a parrot that talks. It records what you say and repeats it back in a parrot voice. WE celebrate Christmas 2 states away at Gram’s house, the parrot definitely stayed with Gram.

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  62. Meredith Sanantonio

    It is a toss up for me between anything made by Nerf or Air Hogs, both irresistable to boys, expensive and break within a day.

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  63. I never thought about how stupid the crayon paper covering is before. It’s totally irrelevant, doesn’t make the little things any less breakable, and are damaging to the environment.

    And the bouncy balls, I totally agree, but…. after years of being told, “No ball games in the house,” I have rebelled. My boy and I now share a house together in Thailand (thousands of km’s away from our parents) and have no TV. So to pass the time we play intense/crazy ball games all over the house. Every time we have a little giggle and still feel a bit naughty.

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  64. I had to laugh at the photo of the legos that was on the WordPress home page. And Zhu-Zhu pets… my son has 5 that all live in the same pet habitat. When one gets going, it bumps the others and sets them off. They bump into one another making obnoxious noises for hours.

    Here’s what you forgot to mention: grandparents and all of the other well-meaning relatives that give children these fantastic items are more evil than even the folks that design them because they *know* how obnoxious these toys will be…

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  65. richardchandler

    love the blog…read mine if you get a chance 🙂

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  66. “Bop It” the toy from hell.
    What freak of nature thought up this torture device that tells you to do one of 3 movements with the toy and if you succeed proceeds at a faster and faster pace. It frustrates my grand kids no end and I hear is used to make prisoners give up secrets at Guantanamo Bay.

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  67. KathleenDonohoe

    My son is 14 months old. He has a toy snail that sings, If You’re Happy and you Know It, blah, blah blah and then…Whee!” It’s the Whee that gets me. It sounds like it’s had a couple of beers. It also, llke many of the toys cited here, goes off by itself.

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  68. I think you should just do for toys what people did in olden times: get them a team of horses, a timber arch and a big saw. Tell them to go cut their own logs and build a real log cabin if their Lincoln Logs just aren’t good enough for them.

    It’s possible that I should never be a parent. ;D

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  69. I don’t know which toy is made by people who hate parents, but I can name one game that’s made by people who hate older sister’s. The Hannah Montana DS video game. Oh gosh, that is torture. My sister doesn’t have a DS of her own, so every time she comes over to my house, she’ll bring the game and start playing it.
    In case you’re wondering, I’m 20 and my sister’s 12. Yeah, big gap.
    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

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  70. Love the post, the picture, and the blog! I have 6-year-old identical twin boys, and your list is definitely comprehensive enough for me. It also sounds like once they finally outgrow the toys with a gazillion parts, there is very little time before they then move into the moody teen years(“the silent treatment”)!

    Still amazed about the two sets of twins! 🙂

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  71. I’d definately agree with Lego…Have you ever stood on the tiny ones? The pain is worse than anything I’ve ever experienced! And electronic toys that don’t turn themselves off, who invented the evil things? And then the battery goes and the thing wont work and the child cries until you replace the battery. My other one is Wii remotes, seriously, they don’t seem to turn off no matter how much I look for an off button, one tap and they are away flashing their little blue lights at me in some kind of mocking salute! And they eat batteries too. Thanks for this blog! It makes me realise Im not alone! And it actually made me smile about it all too!

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  72. Zhu Zhu Pets have to be the worst toys in the entire world. …Next to all the other toys like them that so many toy making companies are making now because they want to fit in with the other companies and join in on the big fad that is up with kids these days.

    If a commercial came on that had “all that jazz” that attracts kids to certain annoying toys, and the toy was something safe – like … I don’t know; can’t think of anything at the moment – kids would most likely want said toy.

    Pillow Pets don’t work – they’re really, really not all they are cracked up to be. Trust me. If you’ve not already went there, you don’t want to. My little sister has one (and she really wanted it), and it doesn’t even transform accordingly to the commercial.

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  73. Hilarious post! I have three boys (8, 5 and 2ish), and can totally relate to what you wrote. I almost fell off my chair when I read the Transformers bit! They always look so cool to have, but are NEVER easy to reassemble!! Thanks for posting – brightened up my morning!

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  74. I like this posts,as parents,we have happiness and Dumbfounding things.but we have to admit that toys brought us surprise.
    Fortunately,i only have one daughter.

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  75. Haha, oh my gosh! I know exactly what it is like 🙂 I don’t have any children of my own — yet, but I grew up in a big family and can attest to many of the toys you’ve written about. Have you ever considered making a room for your twins? My siblings and I always played in our parents attic where much of the mess, noise, and chaos could reign freely without much trouble.

    I can see how toy makers seem out to get parents. The crayons always end up being used for “decorating utensils.” Some wind up in a dryer, stuffed inbetween couch cushions, or even in the slats of long heating units until they in turn wind up as melted puddles of wax on the nice wood floors. My siblings and I never did get into Transformers or Lincoln Logs, but we had plenty of legos. The big block ones and miniature ones that hurt like the Dickens if you stepped on them. But being the princesses and princes of the attic, they were out of sight and out of mind. Well, most of the time anyway.

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  76. hilarious! my niece is so untidy i just cannot bear it.

    http://www.decowithdecorum.wordpress.com

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  77. How sweet………..!!!!

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  78. Barbie’s shoes are the worst things EVER! Step on one at 4am and then try to disagree!

    Reply
  79. Toys that don’t turn off on their own, yes, seconded. My daughter had a toy puppy when she was a baby. When you pushed different parts of its anatomy it sang or spoke.

    One night, after it was supposed to be turned off, it started randomly singing at the top of its little plush lungs–right in the crib where my daughter was sleeping. You have never seen a woman run and jump like I did to get in that room and turn the infernal thing off.

    Ooh, I even managed to find a picture: http://shopgala.com/couponblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/puppy-toy.jpg

    Reply
    • Ugh! We had a singing dog once, it was the worst toy ever. Jackson was totally afraid of it.

      Reply
    • OH MY. We had that same puppy, and it would sing randomly in the middle of the night too! I hate that thing. Once, I was babysitting, and the kids had that toy, so I told them I “wasn’t allowed” to play with it because “my mom didn’t let me”. They fell for it.

      Reply
  80. a wonderful read. i personally hate the noise makers, especially the electronic ones. It’s gruesome but i rip out all the wiring to the sound so i don’t end up killing someone.

    Reply
  81. That’s hilarious! I salute you for taking on two sets of twins. I daresay I did give quite some trouble to my parents as a toddler though…

    Nice post! 😀

    Reply
  82. I love this post Lego’s did it for me they hurt like hell when you step on them. The mess they make and how many times I ended up picking them up. Mine are in their 20’s now, but I can remember like it was yesterday. One other thing Popsicle in the plastic would find them all over the yard you know the ones that come in the box of 1,000 and do not get me started on the plastic from the straw of the juice box. I had a good time with my kids and still do we laugh almost every day.

    Reply
  83. You will learn to love Lego’s…I have two giant Lego garbage can storage bins full of Lego’s; My son is now 17 and I have caught a sneak or two at him still putting a few pieces together… This toy is a life time investment.. and well worth it. Good for school projects, less messy.

    Just get the giant bins and toss them in, oh and don’t make the mistake I did: Sorting them by colors….

    spread the humor:charlywalker.wordpress.com

    Reply
  84. I just peaked at this blog because of the title…I am so excited to hear that many others feel the same as I do! We have (had)a toy truck that would go off in the middle of the night and scare the crap out of us! And I agree with the transformer comment.. Thanks for the laugh on a gloomy, cold, North Dakota morning!

    Reply
  85. Pingback: Love this… « This girl's blog

  86. My son just is almost 15 months, so far he only has a play toolbox that has the most annoying songs on it, but I used to work in a nursery when I was pregnant with him. I know all about Lincoln Logs, Play-doh, blocks (had a few thrown at me from the older kids), Legos, Barbies’, Barbie shoes, (Barbie hairbrushes are even worse, trust me). And for some stupid reason the nursery staff though we should have computers for the older kids so they could play educational games. Turns out the toddlers just ripped cords and keyboards out of the wall and off the computer, needless to say I didn’t last there more than 5 months.

    Reply
  87. Bionicles. There is always ONE piece missing that leads the child to cry and cry and cry until he relaises he’s sitting on it.

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  88. 1. Any game that takes more than two minutes to set up (think Mouse Trap) made me insane… and they’re almost guaranteed to need re-creating every time someone moves a piece on the board.

    2. Any building toy that falls apart the minute it’s touched. Only someone without children would create something that induces frustration and tears.

    3. Toy guns of any kind. I’m a pacifist, what can I say, and I never understood why someone would give a kid a gun. Especially when they will invariably build one out of tp rolls, legos, and lincoln logs anyway.

    I love your post–hysterical and so true!

    Reply
    • On game set up, Break the Ice. They had to have realized in the design phase that the result would be 15 minutes of set up for 4 1/2 seconds of play. No more games designed by mean people. Drunk mean people.

      Reply
    • I agree, on all points! I once had to tell Jackson not to shoot our friend with his “sandwich gun” (the gun he made out of the sandwich he was eating!!)

      Reply
  89. haha…great post…

    i got so fed up of stepping on legos and finding random lost pieces under the sofa that i started a ‘tray’ rule…all lego has to be done on a tray/board that holds the pieces…

    i sold it to the monster under the pretext of ensuring his creations wouldn’t get damaged between builds…

    Reply
  90. realanonymousgirl2011

    Ha ha love this post!!!! The thing about Legos that I always hated when my brother had them was stepping on a stray one barefoot! Ouch!

    Reply
  91. My daughter is 13 now… she was never too bad about being messy with stuff like play-doh, never wrote on walls with crayons. But, how I think toy makers hate us? It’s with toys that are “collectible”, where your kid thinks they have to have every-stinking-one of them. Littlest Pet Shop comes to mind for me… a few years back my daughter was totally into them, and of course new ones are made all the time, so you just have to keep buying them and buying them…. they are not expensive, so at the time it didn’t seem too bad. (and I homeschool, so a lot of them were “do-your-school bribe gifts”) Then we were packing to move, and my husband was like “wholly crap, how many of those does she have?? At 3 – 5 dollars a pop, you’ve probably spent at least 500 dollars or more on those things!” Ick. Kinda made me sick to think of it that way! Yeah, I caved to the evil.

    Reply
  92. Great post thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  93. 🙂 I would eat play doh as a kid, and I think maybe it’s why I’m so crazy now.
    Oh my gosh! your poor macbook! wow.
    But you see, if the kids were good, then there wouldn’t be any of these problems…

    Reply
  94. I used to like to eat the Elmers Glue at school until some one told me that it was made from horses.

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  95. Too funny! My daughter and I are having a good laugh at all of the comments (me because we are out of that stage, she because she is still single).

    Congrats of FP!

    Reply
  96. I bought my nephew a screaming monkey once. Yes it was on purpose. Yes, i am now sorry.

    That same nephew and his mum temporarily live with me. The screaming monkey no longer exists, but his lego is all over my house, and between standing on it early in the morning and preventing my dog from eating it I am well and truly paying for it.

    Reply
  97. I love this post! I have an aunt who used to purposefully buy me, my brother and my sister the messiest and noisiest toys she could find. Unfortunately for my mom, my aunt didn’t have any kids AND lived out of state, so she could never retaliate…

    Reply
  98. Even worse then the toy makers is a husband who oves to spoil our little guy, not only do we have the ball pit, but 250 extra balls for it…. and at any given time at least 100 of them are everywhere other then the ball pool!

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  99. I like the over doting husband. That is cool.

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  100. This is an amazing post! I know I’ll be cursed. As a single woman, I bought a friend’s two-year old a super soaker for his birthday. Now I have “irish twins” who are only 2 months and 1 year old. I am dreading the ‘toys’ that are coming my way.

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  101. alittlelessfluff

    Blocks, blocks and more blocks! Hate them! My two year old twins love them! Go figure.

    Reply
  102. For the Legos: Keep them in a giant sack or a sheet, then open it up and spread it out on the floor, and when the kids play with them, make a rule that they can’t take the pile of Legos off the sheet. Then you just need to pick up the corners of the sheet to clean it up. This is what my mom did to me and my brothers. Legos rule!

    Reply
  103. Earwax…that is a great idea. Thank you for the helpful tip.

    Reply
  104. My dog eats zhu zhu pets. And legos hurt like hell to step on.
    My least favorite thing right now are stickers. They get them from everywhere and put them everywhere!

    Reply
  105. Lol, Leggos are painful to step on.

    Reply
  106. Zhu Zhu Pets have to be the worst toys in the entire world. …Next to all the other toys like them that so many toy making companies are making now because they want to fit in with the other companies and join in on the big fad that is up with kids these days.

    If a commercial came on that had “all that jazz” that attracts kids to certain annoying toys, and the toy was something safe – like … I don’t know; can’t think of anything at the moment – kids would most likely want said toy.

    Pillow Pets don’t work – they’re really, really not all they are cracked up to be. Trust me. If you’ve not already went there, you don’t want to. My little sister has one (and she really wanted it), and it doesn’t even transform accordingly to the commercial.

    Reply
  107. Totally agree about the Transformers and polly pockets. I always make my own playdough and that’s not as bad.

    Moon Sand was banned from my house.

    Lego is scattered from here to next year!

    The most horrible toy my children got given were these battery operated bongo drums. Noisy, horrible things!!

    Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

    Reply
  108. HA HA HA I have all those in my house and yes…I have wondered who created or had the idea for these toys. You really made me laugh…thanks, now I don’t feel alone in my thinking! lol

    Reply
  109. I agree with all of these, even though I’m not a parent–I’m a big sister to 8!
    I think Legos breed. I found them in my college dorm, somehow tracked there from home.
    And Polly Pockets! Why must they have so many accessories and outfits?! And why must they all be smaller than your average goldfish?

    Reply

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