Toy makers. Seriously, they are out to get us. I think that most of the people in the business of making toys must hate parents. I have decided that they are all probably smug single people. They must enjoy watching us get in fights with our spouse, cry, scream at our children, or pull are hair out trying to deal with their little inventions.
Their day will come. I hope.
Our most hated toy right now are the Lego’s. I know they are educational and improve dexterity and hand-eye coordination. I also know that the current lot my children are playing with are way above the “suggested age.” But they like them and it gives me a few minutes of quiet.
It also means that my living room winds up looking like this.
It takes two 4-year-olds and average of 68.3 minutes and 749 instructions to clean up that mess.
They hate parents.
Here in no particular order are some other toys made by people who hate parents.
1. Play-Doh – This is one of the worst offenders because not only does it make a big mess, but kids eat it. How many parents have had panic attacks over purple or red poop, only to realize their dumb child ate Play-Doh?
2. Moon Sand – Like the previous item this stuff makes a huge mess. We tried it once for Christmas, not one we intended to spend at the beach. It does not stick together. Not even a little. Instead it slowly degrades and winds up in every inch of your house.
3. Crayons – I know crayons themselves aren’t bad, as long as kids don’t use them to write on walls or furniture or dogs. (Not that mine would EVER do that.) I just don’t understand why there is paper around every single crayon. We can see what color the crayon is, we don’t need a wrapper around it to tell us. The wrapper is just one more thing children will peel off (starting with their teeth) and throw on the floor.
4. Lincoln Logs – Lincoln Logs suck. I thought it would be cool to buy them for the twinkies this year. Bad idea. Yes, you can build a log cabin – which most children only recognize from the syrup bottle – but if you tap it, just tap it a teeny tiney bit, it falls over. Then the kids start crying and you have to build the stupid thing all over again.
5. Bouncy Balls – “Don’t bounce that ball in the house!” Those were my last words right before Reese bounced one on the floor. It popped up, bounced off the table and knocked over a glass of water. The water went directly into the back of my MacBook Pro. That was a $1,500 hit.
6. Zhu Zhu Pets – Anything that doesn’t turn off on its own is evil. Evil.
7. Tinker Toys – The tinker toys are actually pretty great for the boys. They can build something and it actually stays together. That’s awesome, until they hit each other, the dog, or my favorite lamp with it and it breaks the object instead of giving way to it.
8. Transformers – You need a PhD in engineering to change these into the transformer and back to the other thing again. They literally make me want to cry.
9. Laser Guns – Noise, noise, noise, noise, noise.
10. Inflatable Ball Pits – One of Dallas’ single friends got this for the boys when they turned one. I told him, “Thanks. I can’t wait until you have kids so I can get them a toy with 50 balls in it.” Jerk.
Which toy do you think is made by people who hate parents?