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Can I See IT?

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Reese asked if he could see my vagina today.

I said no.

Seriously, I think the kid might be a little obsessed. He keeps telling the knock, knock joke that always ends in ‘gina.’ I tried to explain that he should not say that word because it makes people uncomfortable. Even as I was saying it I knew it sounded ridiculous, so there was no chance he was buying it.

This afternoon we were in the family bathroom at Target. (Sidenote – don’t you love the family bathroom? I love it. Brilliant idea. Getting a double stroller into a standard stall is impossible.) Jackson went potty first, I told him “hold on to your wiener.” That might sound weird, but it is necessary. If I don’t remind them to hold on to it, they won’t. Then they get pee on their pants. They do this a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. They smell like urine 99% of the time.

They’re not very smart. I think they get it from Dallas.

Anyway.

So I said “hold on to your wiener” and Reese said, “you hold on to your wiener too.”

Here we go again.

“I don’t have a wiener, I’m a girl. Girls don’t have wieners.”

“What do you have?”

“Girls have vaginas”

“Can I see it?”

“See what?”

“Your vagina. Can I see your vagina?’

“No”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s hard to see. It doesn’t stick out like a wiener, it’s kind of inside.”

“Like here?” He pointed to his stomach.

“Not really. It’s lower. It’s like, a little bit out and a little bit in. It’s just…it’s just hard to see”

(I realize this isn’t the best explanation. Feel free to let me know if you have a better one.)

“Why?”

Frick on a stick. I backed myself into a corner. My only option now was bribery. I offered them ice cream. They accepted. The rest of our day was vagina free. Well, vagina-talk free, it’s not like I deserted them.

I think I’m going to start calling it a flower or just telling them I have a wiener too. Let their wives explain it.

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About Twinisms

I am the mother of two sets of twins that are ten years apart. Each of them has moments where they say and do hilarious, frustrating, and crazy things.I counter that by also doing borderline crazy things. It's a good time.

9 responses »

  1. Very. VERY. Funny!

    Reply
  2. You just wish you had a weiner. And if you had a weiner you would forget to hold it too (when you are 3) but then you’d hold out all the time and your mom will have to remind you to stop holding it. Then your wife will have to remind you too. You wish you had a weiner.

    Reply
  3. Hold IT all of the time….not out. I hate that my devices think they are smarter then me (because I have a weiner)

    Reply
  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  5. Just got the link from a friend.
    My son named it my “undered” cuz its UNDER ‘DER”

    Reply
  6. My son calls it a pa-china. I guess that is what he thought I said when he asked where my penis was when he walked in on me in the shower. So when we went for chinese food one night, and told him it was from china, he said…OH. Like your Pa-china?

    Reply
  7. I’m…laughing..too…hard….to…write!

    Reply

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