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I Hate TV

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I should clarify, I hate the TV that my children watch. I am actually a big fan of television. I love Top Chef and The Real Housewives. I regularly fill up the DVR with a backlog of The Office, Parenthood, Modern Family, The Soup, and The Good Wife. I even fast forward through SNL each week to catch the (very few) funny skits. I would pay 3x what I am paying now for HBO, totally worth it.

Just don’t tell those bastards at the cable company that.

However, when it comes to kids’ programming I feel like vomiting. I grew up on TV. My parents were a lot like Dallas and I, once 8 PM hits it is couch and TV time. I don’t have any desire to play board games or do crafts or talk to the children. Sleep or sit silently in front of the box.

As a kid, my dream was to got to boarding school with Mrs. Garret as my house-mother. I can still recite lines from Family Ties. I remember how sad I was when the Seaver’s house got broken into on Growing Pains. I wished that an alien would crash into our backyard and become part of the family.

When the twins were little I didn’t mind watching TV with them. They watched The Rugrats, Wild Thornberry’s, Hey Arnold, and Spongebob. With the exception of SpongeBob, none of those shows are on anymore.

The twinkies watch horrible programs like Yo Gabba, Gabba!. I don’t understand it. I think it wants to be Sesame Street so it has celebrities on all the time. Not even close.  Also, I don’t like it when people wear big puppet costumes. It freaks me out.

There is show on Nick or Sprout or Disney (or whatever) called Oobie. The entire show is hand puppets. And by hand puppets, I mean hands…with lips  and eyes drawn on them. Talk about creepy. Even Reese and Jackson can’t watch that crap and they have teeny, tiney 4-year-old attention spans.

I do enjoy The Upside Down Show. The brown-haired guy is cheeky and cute. I might have a little crush on him.

Taryn likes to watch The Secret Life Of The American Teenager. I watched the show with her once because I was excited that Molly Ringwald was on it. (Well, hello Claire-how did life pan out after Saturday detention?)

It is the worst show ever produced. Seriously. I know bad TV when I see it. I watched all 16 seasons of ER in real time. I went down with that ship even when it was unwatchable and all the cute doctors were gone.

I think the sole purpose of The Secret Life is to convince young girls to dress slutty, wear lots of make-up, and have sex with every boy they meet. At least Carol Seaver kind of looked awkward and goofy, like me at that age. These girls all look like they just walked off of a modeling shoot.

Until they get knocked up.

Then they just look pregnant and hot. I was never pregnant and hot. I looked scary when I was pregnant. The only time I looked hot was when I walked outside in the summer. Then I looked, red, sweaty, and scary. Luckily, Taryn was 10 when I was pregnant with the twinkies so she has some reality to draw on.

She and John also watch a show called Pretty Little Liars. There is no way a program with that title has anything good to say. If I were a better parent I would not let them watch it. We have blocked a lot of programming, including MTV-which is just porn now-but I have a hard time blocking ABC Family.

By family they mean the ones that teenage girls start after watching their shows.

At least on Beverly Hills 90210 it was nerdy Andrea Zuckerman who got knocked up. They actually showed her having problems dealing with it. That’s what happens when you get pregnant in high school. You wind up marrying a really hot guy and going away to Yale. Wait, that’s not a good example….


About Twinisms

I am the mother of two sets of twins that are ten years apart. Each of them has moments where they say and do hilarious, frustrating, and crazy things.I counter that by also doing borderline crazy things. It's a good time.

2 responses »

  1. I think the Wiggles are creepy. I actually think any kid show with hairy men jumping around and acting like a kid is creepy.

  2. LOL!!!! I love you so much!!!


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